You are eating toast for breakfast.\n<<set $toast = "yes">>\n<<display "Radio">>\n

You wash your breakfast dishes. It gives you a sense of enormous well-being. \n<<silently>>\n<<set $dishesdone = "yes">>\n<<set $bus = $bus -1>>\n<<endsilently>>\nYour bus will arrive at the bus stop in <<print $bus>> minutes.\n\n[[Go to the front door|Front Door]]\n

There is a letter on the floor, a fly on the ceiling, and a mirror on the wall.\n<<set $bus = $bus -1>>\n<<if $bus lte 0>>You have missed your bus.<<else>>Your bus will arrive at the bus stop in <<print $bus>> minutes.<<endif>>\n\n[[Read the letter|Letter]]\n[[Look at the fly|Fly]]\n[[Look in the mirror|Mirror]]\n[[Leave the house|Leave Apartment]]

You pretend to push the 'Door Open' button, but really you push the 'Door Close' button. \n\nAs the doors slide together you catch a glimpse of Carol's face. She looks confused and betrayed. Then the elevator begins to rise.\n\n"That was pretty mean," says the executive. "I like that. Now give me something or I'll have you fired."\n\n[[Say, "No."|Elevator Rising 2]]\n[[Say, "I'm broke."|Elevator Rising 2]]\n[[Check your pockets.|Check Pockets]]\n

You eat the vomited-on dog poo.\n\nYou are no longer starving.\n<<set $vomit = "yes">>\n[[Say hello to the Beetle|Talk Beetle]]\n

"Yes it is," says the beetle. "Run away!" \n\nAnd she runs away.\n\n[[Fly on|Fly On]]\n

You wake up feeling small and hungry. You are standing on an enormous clock. It is 9am. Above you is a huge upside-down fleshy thing stuffing food into its face. You have wings on your back and suckers on your feet. You are a fly on the wall of your own life. <<if $toast eq "yes">> The huge upside-down fleshy thing is you eating toast for breakfast. \n<<endif>><<if $cereal eq "yes">> The huge upside-down fleshy thing is you eating cereal for breakfast. \n<<endif>><<if $eggs eq "yes">> The huge upside-down fleshy thing is you eating eggs for breakfast. \n<<endif>><<if $fruit eq "yes">> The huge upside-down fleshy thing is you eating fruit for breakfast. \n<<endif>>\n<<if $dishesdone eq "yes">> \nYou watch yourself do the dishes then lumber out of the kitchen. \n<<else>>\nYou watch yourself stand up and lumber into the hall. \n<<endif>>\n\n[[Follow yourself into the hall|Fly Hall]]\n

[[Leave your cubicle|Elevator Home]]\n

<<if $money eq "yes">>You feed some of the pintriped executive's money into the vending machine. The money slides straight back out again. It does not accept hundreds.<<else>>You don't have any money.<<endif>>\n\n<<display "Elevator Home">>

You are eating eggs for breakfast.\n<<set $eggs = "yes">>\n<<display "Radio">>

You eat the vomited-on grain of cereal.\n\nYour stomach stops grumbling.\n<<set $vomit = "yes">>\n[[Fly through the half open window|Fly Window]]\n

<div class="shake">Suddenly the entire room starts to shudder and lurch. The ground between you and Henry is torn open.  \n\n"Come on, we're late," Henry says, jumping down the hole.\n\n[[Jump down the hole|Hole]]\n[[Shout, "Late for what?"|Late What]]\n[[Look in the hole|Dark]]\n[[Run away|Stuck]]</div>\n

You fly on up the High Street.\n\nAn hour later you have reached work. It is 6 o'clock and people are leaving to go home. You wait for one of them to open the door, then fly past them into the lobby.\n\nAhead of you are the elevators. To your right is the door to the HR Department, slightly ajar.\n\n[[Fly to the elevators|Fly Elevators]]\n[[Fly into HR|Fly HR]]\n

You are scurrying along the high street. Ahead of you is a short man holding an enormous hand written sign.\n<<set $bus = $bus-1>>\n<<if $bus lte 0>>You have missed your bus.<<else>>Your bus will arrive at the bus stop in <<print $bus>> minutes.<<endif>>\n\n[[Read the short man's sign|Short Man Sign]]\n[[Walk on|Bus Stop]]\n

Toads\npart one

<<if $onbus eq "yes">>You spend the next 20 minutes gazing out of the bus window. People get on. People get off. People fart. Finally the bus arrives at your stop.\n\n[[Get off the bus|Outside Work]]\n<<else>>You walk for another hour. It begins to rain.\n\n[[Walk on|Outside Work]]\n<<endif>>

"Okay," says the thin man. "And what have you got against Carol from Accounting?"\n\n[[Say, "Nothing."|Stolen]]\n[[Say, "That wasn't my fault."|Stolen]]\n[[Say, "Carol who?"|Stolen]]

"The life unexamined is not worth living," says the thin man, "You know what I mean? I want you to really examine yourself, objectively, like a fly on the wall of your own life. And then meet me back here." \n\nThe thin man wiggles his fingers at you. You feel a strange tingling sensation. Then you pass out. \n\n[[Wake up|Fly Wake]]\n

You arrive at the bus stop. <<if $clothed eq "no">> You are naked and late for work. You realize this must be a dream. \n\n[[Wake up|Startagain]]\n<<else>>\n\nThe bus pulls up. \n\n[[Get on the bus|Get On Bus]]\n[[Don't get on the bus|Don't Get On Bus]]\n<<endif>>

You accept candy from a stranger.\n\n[[Eat it now|Candy Lady Now 1]]\n[[Save it for later|Candy Lady Later]]\n

You are flying around the HR Department.\n\nA thin, middle aged man is lounging in an armchair. You see yourself sleeping on a stylish mid-century couch. The whole room is vibrating.\n\nThe thin man looks at you. "Is that you?" he says, "Or is that just a fly? I never think this through properly."\n\n[[Say, "It's me!"|Fly Zap]]\n[[Say, "You are an idiot."|Fly Zap]]

You say nothing.\n\nThe nice old lady removes a small paper bag from her coat pocket and asks, "Would you like a candy?"\n\n[[Say, "Yes please."|Stranger Lady Candy]]\n[[Say, "No thank you."|Politely Decline Lady]]\n

You turn to leave.\n\n"Don't go!," says the thin man, "You passed the test... I mean chat... you passed the chat. Very good scores. Much better than mine, and I'm a wizard. Did I mention I'm a wizard? You can call me Henry. Now come on we have to jump down this hole."\n\nThe vibrating of the room is making you feel sick. <<if $vomit eq "yes">>That, and the lingering taste of fly vomit.<<endif>>\n\n[[Say, "I don't care who you are."|Not Care]]\n[[Say, "What hole?"|What Hole?]]\n[[Say, "Why is this room vibrating?"|Earthquake]]\n[[Say, "I'm leaving now, goodbye."|Goodbye]]\n

<<if $surf eq "yes">>"Liar," says the thin man.\n<<else>>"Good for you," says the thin man.<<endif>>\n\n<<display "Sneak Out">>

<div class="shake">You don't jump down the hole.\n\nTime passes...\n\n[[Jump down the hole|Hole]]\n[[Don't jump down the hole|No Jump]]</div>

You jump down the hole and fall rapidly towards the center of the Earth.\n\nEnd of Part One\n\n[[Play Part Two|http://www.anthonyhodgson.com/toads/part2.html]]\n[[Play Part One again|Startagain]]\n

You surf the web.\n<<if $fivepm eq "no">><<set $surf = "yes">>\nSuddenly it is the end of the day. Another one wasted.<<else>> It's full of cats.<<endif>><<set $fivepm = "yes">>\n<<display "Office Actions">>

"Good morning," you say to the pinstriped executive.\n\nHe peers at you disdainfully over the rims of his glasses. "I'm working, " he says, then looks back at his phone.\n\nThe elevator arrives. The executve enters and you follow him in. \n\n[[Push the button for the 7th floor|Elevator Button]]\n

He sinks deeper into his armchair and asks, "How late for work would you say you were this morning?"\n\n[[Say, "Not late."|Surfing]]\n[[Say, "Quite late."|Surfing]]\n[[Say, "Very late."|Surfing]]\n

You eat the vomited-on piece of melon rind.\n\nYour stomach stops grumbling.\n<<set $vomit = "yes">>\n[[Fly through the half open window|Fly Window]]\n

The acid in your vomit disolves the toast crumb.\n\nNow it is nice and soft.\n\n[[Eat vomited-on toast crumb|Eat Vomit Crumb]]\n[[Fly through the half open window|Fly Window]]\n

You check in your pockets and find candy from a stranger.\n\n[[Say, "Would you like some candy?"|Candy Give]]\n[[Say, "I don't have anything."|Candy Snatch]]\n

<<if $fivepm eq "yes">>\nIt is home time.<<endif>>\n\n[[Read your email|Email]]\n[[Check Facebook|Facebook]] \n[[Water the rubber plant|Water Plant]]\n[[Surf the web|Surf Web]]\n[[Do some work|Work Work]]\n<<if $fivepm eq "yes">><<display "5pm">><<endif>>

You fly after yourself. \n\nFlying is fun and suprisingly easy. You do a few laps around the hall, then land on the ceiling above the front door. Sticking seems to be automatic.\n\nThere is a spider in the corner. It's not moving. It might be sleeping. You watch it for a long time. It might be dead.\n\nYou look down and see yourself looking at yourself in the mirror. Bits of you have begun to sag. \n\n<<if $suit eq "yes">>You watch yourself lumber away and come back wearing a suit, then open the front door and leave.<<endif>><<if $dress eq "yes">>You watch yourself lumber away and come back wearing a dress, then open the front door and leave.<<endif>><<if $jeans eq "yes">>You watch yourself lumber away and come back wearing jeans and a shirt, then open the front door and leave.<<endif>>\n\n[[Follow yourself into the street|Fly Follow]]\n[[Look at yourself in the mirror|Fly Mirror]]\n[[Fly back to the kitchen|Fly Kitchen]]

You chew on the grain of cereal, but it is too tough for your delicate little fly mouth. You'll have to soften it up somehow.\n\n[[Vomit on the grain of cereal|Vomit Grain]]\n[[Fly through the half open window|Fly Window]]\n

You chew on the toast crumb, but it is too tough for your delicate little fly mouth. You'll have to soften it up somehow.\n\n[[Vomit on the toast crumb|Vomit Crumb]]\n[[Fly through the half open window|Fly Window]]\n

You say, "Toast."\n\n<<if $toast eq "yes">>"Very good," says the thin man, "I like toast. Makes you fat though. Now, can you tell me who you share an office with?"\n\n[[Say, "I've forgotten."|Okay]]\n[[Say "A rubber plant."|Okay]]\n[[Say, "John... something?"|Okay]]\n<<else>><<display "Breakfast Lie">><<endif>>

You read the short man's sign:\n\n"First the beetles, then the centipedes, the mice, the snakes, and every other creature of that kind. All shall depart this terrible city. All will be gone before the end. Caludius Aelianus told it first in 373 BC. Earthquakes and tsunamis. It is coming. It is coming."\n<<set $bus = $bus-1>>\n<<if $bus lte 0>>You have missed your bus.<<else>>Your bus will arrive at the bus stop in <<print $bus>> minutes.<<endif>>\n\n[[Stop and talk to the short man|Short Man Talk]]\n[[Walk on|Bus Stop]]\n

You ride the elevator back up to the 7th floor.\n\n[[Look at the executive|Examine Executive]]\n[[Push the button for the Ground Floor|Elevator Home 3]]\n[[Leave the elevator|Elevator Home]]\n

You dash to the bedroom, throw on your favourite dress, and hurry back to the front door.\n<<set $dress = "yes">>\n<<display "Front Door Actions">>

You turn off the radio and eat your breakfast in silence. \n\nThere is a fly on the wall. It crawls across a cupbaord door and rests for a while on the kitchen clock. You look at the clock. It is 9am. You are late for work.\n\nYour bus will arrive at the bus stop in <<print $bus>> minutes.\n\n[[Go to the front door|Front Door]]\n[[Do the dishes|Dishes]]\n

You wake up in your own body, lying on a stylish mid-century couch. It is quite uncomfortable. \n\nThe vibrating of the room seems to have grown more intense. The thin man is eyeing you suspiciously.\n\n[[Say, "Hello"|Hello]]\n[[Say, "Don't ever turn me into a fly again."|Can't Promise]]\n[[Punch him.|Punch]]\n[[Leave.|Leave]]\n

You fly to the sink and land on your dirty dishes.\n\n<<if $toast eq "yes">>There is a crumb of toast left on a plate.\n\n[[Eat the toast crumb|Eat Crumb]]\n[[Fly through the half-open window|Fly Window]]<<endif>><<if $cereal eq "yes">>There is a grain of cereal at the bottom of a bowl.\n\n[[Eat the grain of cereal|Eat Grain]]\n[[Fly through the half-open window|Fly Window]]<<endif>><<if $eggs eq "yes">>There is a bit of rubbery egg white on a plate.\n\n[[Eat the egg white|Eat Eggwhite]]\n[[Fly through the half-open window|Fly Window]]<<endif>><<if $fruit eq "yes">>There is a piece of melon rind at the bottom of a bowl.\n\n[[Eat the melon|Eat Melon]]\n[[Fly through the half-open window|Fly Window]]<<endif>>

<<display "HR Department">>\n

What will you wear?\n<<silently>>\n<<set $clothed = "yes">>\n<<endsilently>>\n[[A suit|Suit]]\n[[A dress|Dress]]\n[[Jeans and a shirt|Jeans]]\n

It is Monday Morning. What will you have for breakfast?\n<<silently>>\n<<set $dishesdone = "no">> \n<<set $toast = "no">> \n<<set $cereal = "no">> \n<<set $eggs = "no">> \n<<set $fruit = "no">> \n<<set $suit = "no">> \n<<set $dress = "no">> \n<<set $jeans = "no">> \n<<set $bus = 8>> \n<<set $clothed = "no">>\n<<set $nudist = "no">>\n<<set $onbus = "no">>\n<<set $fivepm = "no">>\n<<set $surf = "no">>\n<<set $money = "no">>\n<<set $vomit = "no">>\n<<set $poovomit = "no">>\n<<endsilently>>\n[[Cereal|Cereal]]\n[[Toast|Toast]]\n[[Eggs|Eggs]]\n[[Fruit|Fruit]]\n

You say, "Hello," to the beetle.\n\n"Run Away!" says the beetle.\n\n[[Say, "Why?"|Beetle Coming]]\n[[Say, "I can't, I have to get to work."|Beetle Coming]]\n[[Say, "Have you tried this dog poo?"|Try Poo]]\n

You say, "No thank you."\n\n"Aw go on," says the old lady, "One piece won't hurt. I'll just pop it in here for later."\n\nShe drops a piece of candy into your pocket.\n\n<<display "Work Stop">>

"And approximtely how much time today did you waste surfing the internet?"\n\n[[Say, "All day."|Surfing All Day]]\n[[Say, "Not long."|Surfing Not Long]]\n[[Say, "None."|Surfing None]]

You water the rubber plant.\n\nAs you're watering it you wonder why you bother. It's not even yours. It was here when you arrived. Maybe it belongs to the man whose name you've forgotten. You consider asking him, but then don't. \n<<display "Office Actions">>

You dash to the bedroom, put on your suit, and hurry back to the front door.\n<<set $suit = "yes">>\n<<display "Front Door Actions">>

The acid in your vomit disolves the egg white.\n\nNow it is nice and soft.\n\n[[Eat vomited-on egg white|Eat Vomit Eggwhite]]\n[[Fly through the half open window|Fly Window]]\n

You check your inbox.\n\nYou have 167 new messages. One is from the HR Department and one is from your best friend. The rest are spam.\n\n[[Read the email from HR|HR Email]]\n[[Read the email from your best friend|Friend Email]]\n

You look at the executive.\n\nHe is still breathing, smugly.\n\n<<if $money eq "no">> His pockets are full of money.\n\n[[Take the money|Take Money]]\n[[Push the button for the Ground Floor|Elevator Home 3]]\n[[Exit the elevator|Elevator Home]]\n<<else>>[[Push the button for the Ground Floor|Elevator Home 3]]\n[[Exit the elevator|Elevator Home]]\n<<endif>>

You arrive at the bus stop. You have missed the bus.\n\n<<if $clothed eq "no">> You are naked and late for work. You realise this must be a dream. \n\n[[Wake up|Startagain]]\n<<else>>\n[[Go home and end it all|End It All 1]]\n[[Walk to Work|Walk To Work]]\n<<endif>>

You land on the sidewalk next to some dog poo.\n\nThere is a beetle scurrying towards you.\n\n[[Say hello to the beetle|Talk Beetle]]\n[[Eat some dog poo|Eat Poo]]

The acid in your vomit disolves the the piece of melon rind.\n\nNow it is nice and soft.\n\n[[Eat vomited-on melon rind|Eat Vomit Melon]]\n[[Fly through the half open window|Fly Window]]\n

You swing your fist at the thin man. He dodges. "Easy tiger," he says, "You can't punch me. I'm a wizard. You passed the test, by the way. I mean chat... you passed the chat. Very good scores. Much better than mine. And I'm a wizard. Did I mention I'm a wizard? You can call me Henry. Now come on we have to jump down this hole."\n\nThe vibrating of the room is making you feel sick. <<if $vomit eq "yes">>That, and the lingering taste of fly vomit.<<endif>>\n\n[[Say, "I don't care who you are."|Not Care]]\n[[Say, "What hole?"|What Hole?]]\n[[Say, "Why is this room vibrating?|Earthquake]]\n[[Say, "I'm leaving now, goodbye."|Goodbye]]\n

You check Facebook. \n\nEveryone is still happier than you. \n<<display "Office Actions">>

You are eating cereal for breakfast.\n<<set $cereal = "yes">>\n<<display "Radio">>

You chew on the dog poo, but it is too tough for your delicate little fly mouth. You'll have to soften it up somehow.\n\n[[Vomit on the dog poo|Vomit Poo]]\n[[Say hello to the beetle|Talk Beetle]]\n

You eat the vomited-on piece of egg white.\n\nYour stomach stops grumbling.\n<<set $vomit = "yes">>\n[[Fly through the half open window|Fly Window]]\n

The acid in your vomit disolves the dog poo.\n\nNow it is nice and soft.\n<<set $poovomit = "yes">>\n[[Eat vomited-on dog poo|Eat Vomit Poo]]\n[[Say hell to the beetle|Talk Beetle]]\n

You are standing in the hall outside your cubicle. There is a vending machine here full of delicious snacks and treats.\n\nAhead of you is the elevator.\n\n[[Push the button to call the elevator|Call Elevator]]\n[[Put money in the vending machine|Vending Machine]]\n[[Sit down in your cubicle|Your Office]]

You are standing in the lobby.\n\nIn front of you are the doors to the street. To your left is the door to HR.\n\n[[Go through the door to HR|HR]]\n[[Go through to doors to the street|Try Street]]\n

You say, "Eggs."\n\n<<if $eggs eq "yes">>"Really? Eggs? Gross. Now, can yu tell me who you share an office with?"\n\n[[Say, "I've forgotten."|Okay]]\n[[Say "A rubber plant."|Okay]]\n[[Say, "John... something?"|Okay]]\n<<else>><<display "Breakfast Lie">><<endif>>

You are sitting in your cubicle beside a rubber plant and a man whose name you've forgotten. <<display "Office Actions">>

jquery:off\nhash:off\nbookmark:off\nmodernizr:off\nundo:off\nobfuscate:off\nexitprompt:off\nblankcss:off\n

You stop to talk with the short man. \n\n"Hi," says the short man, "It is coming."\n\n[[Say, "Is it?"|Is It?]]\n[[Say, "No it isn't?"|Is It?]]\n[[Say, "What is coming?"|What Is Coming?]]\n[[Say nothing and walk on|Bus Stop]]\n

The bus is crowded. You find a seat near the back next to a nice old lady. <<if $dress eq "yes">> She smiles at you and says, "I like your dress. Very pretty."<<endif>><<if $suit eq "yes">> She smiles at you and says, "I like your suit. Very smart."<<endif>><<if $jeans eq "yes">> She smiles at you and says, "I like your shirt. Very trendy."<<endif>>\n<<set $onbus = "yes">>\n[[Say thank you.|Thank Nice Lady]]\n[[Say nothing.|Nothing Nice Lady]]\n

<div class="shake">You don't jump down the hole.\n\nTime passes...\n\n[[Jump down the hole|Hole]]\n[[Don't jump down the hole|No Jump 2]]</div>\n

You turn and walk towards the door, but the whole room suddenly jerks sideways and you fall down in a heap on the floor.\n\n[[Say, "Why is this room shaking?"|Earthquake]]\n[[Say, "Did you just do that?"|Earthquake]]\n

"Yes it is." says the short man. \n\n[[Say, "What is coming?"|What Is Coming?]]\n[[Walk on|Bus Stop]]\n

"Hello," you say.\n\n"Hello there," says the thin man, vigorously shaking your hand. "I'm so glad it's you. And you passed the test! I mean chat... you passed the chat. Very good scores. Much better than mine, and I'm a wizard. Did I mention I'm a wizard? You can call me Henry. Now come on we have to jump down this hole."\n\nThe vibrating of the room is making you feel sick. <<if $vomit eq "yes">>That, and the lingering taste of fly vomit.<<endif>>\n\n[[Say, "I don't care who you are."|Not Care]]\n[[Say, "What hole?"|What Hole?]]\n[[Say, "Why is this room vibrating?"|Earthquake]]\n[[Say, "I'm leaving now, goodbye."|Goodbye]]

You stand silently beside the pinstriped executive. He peers at you disdainfully over the rims of his glasses, then looks back at his phone.\n\nThe elevator arrives. The executve enters and you follow him in. \n\n[[Push the button for the 7th floor|Elevator Button]]\n

You do some stretches while you wait for the elevator. Things inside of you creak and pop. The executive peers at you disdainfully over the rims of his glasses, then looks back at his phone.\n\nThe elevator arrives. The executve enters and you follow him in. \n\n[[Push the button for the 7th floor|Elevator Button]]\n

You are flying up the High Street towards work.\n\nA chilly September wind whistles through the bristly hairs on your big fly belly.\n\nAfter 30 minutes you are exhausted and starving.\n\n[[Land on the sidwalk|Land Sidewalk]]\n

You say, "Thank you."\n\nThe nice old lady removes a small paper bag from her coat pocket and asks, "Would you like a candy?"\n\n[[Say, "Yes please."|Stranger Lady Candy]]\n[[Say, "No thank you."|Politely Decline Lady]]\n

You stop holding the elevator doors for Carol from Accounting. \n\nAs the doors close you catch a glimpse of Carol's face. She looks confused and betrayed. The elevator begins to rise.\n\n"Do you want to know how I became such a rich and powerful executive?" says the executive.\n\n[[Say, "Yes."|Elevator Rising 1]]\n[[Say, "No."|Elevator Rising 1]]\n[[Say nothing.|Elevator Rising 1]]\n

You say, "Don't ever turn me into a fly again!"\n\n"I'm sorry," says the thin man, "I can't promise that. I'm a wizard. These things happen. You passed the test, by the way... I mean chat... you passed the chat. Very good scores. Much better than mine, and I'm a wizard. Did I mention I'm a wizard? You can call me Henry. Now come on we have to jump down this hole."\n\nThe vibrating of the room is making you feel sick. <<if $vomit eq "yes">>That, and the lingering taste of fly vomit.<<endif>>\n\n[[Say, "I don't care who you are."|Not Care]]\n[[Say, "What hole?"|What Hole?]]\n[[Say, "Why is this room vibrating?"|Earthquake]]\n[[Say, "I'm Leaving now, goodbye."|Goodbye]]\n

You land on the door knob, engage your sucker feet, and twist with all your might.\n\nIt doesn't budge.\n\n[[Fly back to the kitchen|Fly Kitchen]]\n[[Look in the mirror|Fly Mirror]]\n

You run for the bus. \n\n<<display "Bus Arrives">>

You help yourself to the money from the executives pinstriped pockets.\n<<set $money = "yes">>\n[[Push the button for the Ground Floor|Elevator 5]]\n[[Leave the Elevator|Elevator Home]]\n

The thin man's eyes snap open. He smiles, and says, "You're here. Excellent. Which one are you? Actually, it's not important, we can do all the paperwork later. Sit down, I need to talk to you about something."\n\n[[Sit down|Sit]]\n

You look at yourself in the mirror. <<if $clothed eq "yes">>You look lovely. \n\n<<display 'Front Door Actions'>><<else>>Bits of you have begun to sag. You should probably put some clothes on.\n\n[[Put some clothes on|Get Dressed]]\n[[Leave as you are|Leave Apartment]]\n<<endif>>

by Anthony Hodgson

You push the button to call the elevator. \n\nThe elevator arrives and the doors open. There is a pinstriped executive passed out on the floor.\n\n[[Enter the elevator|Elevator Home 2]]\n[[Return to your cubicle|Your Office]]\n

"I think you've misunderstood the basic concept of what we're doing here," says the thin man. "You're supposed to tell the truth. Let's try again. Can you tell me who sits in the cubicle next to you?"\n\n[[Say, "I've forgotten."|Okay]]\n[[Say, "A rubber plant."|Okay]]\n[[Say, "John... something?"|Okay]]\n

You read the email from HR\n\nSubject: Chat\nHi there! I'd like to have a little chat with you today. Please pop along to the HR Department before you leave work.\nCheers! \n<<display "Office Actions">>

You have made it to work - a bland concrete block in the center of town. In front of you are the doors to the building's lobby.\n\n[[Go through the doors|Lobby]]\n[[Don't go through the doors|Not Lobby]]

You fly over to the elevators.\n\nParamedics are removing an unconscious pinstriped executive from the floor of the elevator.\n\n[[Fly in to the HR Department|Fly HR]]

You look at the executive.\n\nHe is still breathing, smugly. <<if $money eq "no">>His pockets are full of money.\n\n[[Take the money|Take Money 2]]\n[[Wait|Elevator Home 4]]\n<<else>>\n<<display "Elevator Home 4">>\n<<endif>>

The elevator arrives at the Ground Floor.\n\n[[Exit the elevator|Lobby Home]]\n[[Push the button for the 7th floor|Back Up]]

It is Monday Morning. What will you have for breakfast?\n<<silently>>\n<<set $dishesdone = "no">> \n<<set $toast = "no">> \n<<set $cereal = "no">> \n<<set $eggs = "no">> \n<<set $fruit = "no">> \n<<set $suit = "no">> \n<<set $dress = "no">> \n<<set $jeans = "no">> \n<<set $bus = 8>> \n<<set $clothed = "no">>\n<<set $nudist = "no">>\n<<set $onbus = "no">>\n<<set $fivepm = "no">>\n<<set $surf = "no">>\n<<set $money = "no">>\n<<set $vomit = "no">>\n<<set $poovomit = "no">>\n<<endsilently>>\n[[Cereal|Cereal]]\n[[Toast|Toast]]\n[[Eggs|Eggs]]\n[[Fruit|Fruit]]\n

The acid in your vomit disolves the dog poo.\n\nNow it is nice and soft.\n\nThe beetle sidles up next to you.\n\n[[Eat vomited-on dog poo|Eat Vomit Poo 2]]\n[[Fly away|Fly On]]\n

You continue to hold the elevator doors. \n\nCarol from Accounting continues to walk towards you. You wonder why she doesn't walk more quickly. Are her legs very short?\n\nThe executive sighs again. "Leave her." he says.\n\n[[Continue to hold the elevator doors|Continue Holding Doors 2]]\n[[Stop holding the elevator doors|Stop Holding Doors]]\n

You enter the elevator.\n\n[[Look at the executive|Examine Executive]]\n[[Push the button for the Ground Floor|Elevator Home 3]]\n[[Leave the elevator|Elevator Home]]\n

You push the button for the Ground Floor.\n\nThe doors close and the elevator descends.\n\n[[Look at the executive|Examine Executive 2]]\n[[Wait|Elevator Home 4]]\n

<div class="shake">You turn to leave and realize that most of the room has collapsed or is on fire. There is no way out.\n\n[[Jump down the hole|Hole]]\n[[Don't jump down the hole|No Jump]]</div>\n

"That's fine," says the executive. Then he lunges at you and jams his smooth manicured executive hand into your pocket.\n\n"Nice!" he says, snatching the stranger's candy from you and eating it, smugly.\n\n"Curious taste," he says. "What is that? Cinnamon?... sinnerrr... mmmmnnnn...." Then he collapses on the floor.\n\nYou check his body. It is still breathing.\n\nThe elevator reaches the 7th floor.\n\n[[Exit the elevator|Exit Elevator]]\n

You chew on the piece of melon rind, but it is too tough for your delicate little fly mouth. You'll have to soften it up somehow.\n\n[[Vomit on the piece of melon rind|Vomit Melon]]\n[[Fly through the half open window|Fly Window]]\n

Didn't your mother teach you anything?\n\n[[Eat it now|Candy Lady Now 3]]\n[[Save it for later|Candy Lady Later]]\n

<<if $nudist eq "yes">>"Indeed," says the thin man, "And can you tell me why you walk around the streets naked?"\n\n[[Say, "I look good naked."|Carol From Accounting]]\n[[Say, "That was a mistake."|Carol From Accounting]]\n[[Say, "That was a dream."|Carol From Accounting]]\n<<else>><<display "Carol From Accounting">><<endif>>

You continue holding the elevator doors for Carol from Accounting.\n\nCarol continues walking slowly towards you. Has anyone in history ever walked so slowly?\n\nThe executive leans over and calmly pries your fingers from the Door Open button. As the doors slide together you catch a glimpse of Carol's face. She looks confused and betrayed. The elevator begins to rise.\n\n"Do you want to know how I became such a rich and powerful executive?" says the executive.\n\n[[Say, "Yes."|Elevator Rising 1]]\n[[Say, "No."|Elevator Rising 1]]\n[[Say nothing|Elevator Rising 1]]\n

You push the button and ride the elevator to the ground floor.\n\n[[Exit the elevator|Lobby Home]]\n[[Push the button for the 7th floor|Back Up]]\n

You sit down on a stylish mid-century sofa. It is quite uncomfortable. \n\n"So, um... thank you for coming," says the thin man. "I just have a few questions I need to ask you. Shouldn't take long" \n\n[[Say, "Okay."|Company Policy]]\n[[Say, "Questions about what?"|Company Policy]]\n[[Say, "I'm not answering questions."|Company Policy]]\n

<<if $money eq "yes">>"No," says the thin man, "I can understand why you'd want to lie about that one."<<else>>"Splendid." says the thin man. <<endif>> <<display "How Late">>

You fly after yourself through the front door.\n\nA chilly September wind blows you back inside again. The front door closes.\n\n[[Open the front door|Fly Door]]\n[[Look in the mirror|Fly Mirror]]\n[[Fly back into the kitchen|Fly Kitchen]]\n

You get off the bus. You are late for work. It looks like it's going to rain.\n\n[[Walk to work|Walk To Work]]\n[[Go home and end it all|End It All Alt]]\n\n

You walk on. It is cold and the sky is full of clouds.\n\n<<if $bus gte 1>><<display 'Bus Arrives'>> <<else>>\n\n<<display 'Missed Bus'>>\n\n<<endif>>

You pick up the letter and read it. \n\nIt is from your landlord. You are three weeks behind on your rent. You drop the letter back on the floor.\n\n<<display "Front Door Actions">>

"What is coming?" you ask the short man.\n\n<<if $bus gte 1>> "The bus." says the short man.\n\nSuddenly the bus drives past.\n\n[[Run for the bus|Run Bus]]\n[[Walk to work|Walk To Work]]\n<<else>> \n\n"You just read the sign," says the short man, "I saw you read it."\n\n[[walk on|Missed Bus]]\n<<endif>>

You help yourself to the money from the executives pinstriped pockets.\n<<set $money = "yes">>\n<<display "Elevator Home 4">>

You go through the doors to the street. Once outside you feel a strange compulsion to go back in again and visit the HR Department.\n<<set $sneak = "yes">>\n[[Go back in again and visit the HR Department|HR Department]]\n

You look at the fly. It looks familiar. Maybe you saw it earlier in the kitchen. Maybe you didn't. Maybe you should go to work.\n\n<<display "Front Door Actions">>\n

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"Not by holding doors open for people like Carol from Accounting," says the executive. \n\n"Time is the most valuable commodity," he continues, "And you just wasted my time. That means you owe me. So what have you got?" \n\n[[Say, "I'm broke."|Elevator Rising 2]]\n[[Say, "I don't owe you anything."|Elevator Rising 2]]\n[[Check your pockets.|Check Pockets]]\n

You say, "I don't care who you are."\n\n"Yes," Henry says, "I quite often find myself not caring. That's how I got into HR."\n\nHenry looks at the ground, and then at his watch. "There should be a hole," he says.\n\n[[Say, "Why is this room vibrating?"|Earthquake]]\n[[Say, "I'm leaving now, goodbye."|Goodbye]]\n

"I'm not kidding," says the executive. "Give me something right now, or I will literally have you fired."\n\n[[Say, "What is wrong with you?"|Candy Snatch]]\n[[Say, "I'm not giving you anything."|Candy Snatch]]\n[[Check your pockets.|Check Pockets]]\n

You chew on the rubbery piece of egg white, but it is too tough for your delicate little fly mouth. You'll have to soften it up somehow.\n\n[[Vomit on the egg white|Vomit Eggwhite]]\n[[Fly through the half open window|Fly Window]]\n

<<if $surf eq "yes">>"All day," repeats the thin man.\n<<else>>"Curious." says the thin man.<<endif>>\n\n<<display "Sneak Out">>

"It's company policy I'm afraid," says the thin man. "You can refuse, but then the company will have you fired for some reason or another. They're total bastards. Now, try to answer each question as honestly as possible. We'll start with an easy one. What did you have for breakfast this morning?"\n\n[[Say, "Cereal"|Say Cereal]]\n[[Say, "Toast"|Say Toast]]\n[[Say, "Eggs"|Say Eggs]]\n[[Say, "Fruit"|Say Fruit]]\n

You fly back into the kitchen.\n\n<<if $dishesdone eq "no">> Your dirty breakfast dishes are sitting in the sink. The window above the sink is half open. Your hairy fly stomach is grumbling.\n\n[[Fly through the half-open window|Fly Window]]\n[[Fly to the dirty dishes|Fly Dishes]]\n<<else>>Your hairy fly stomach is grumbling. You remember the feeling of enormous well-being you had this morning as you scraped the remains of your breakfast into the compost bin and rinsed your dishes in the sink. You see the dishes stacked neatly in the draining rack. Your stomach grumbles again. The window above the sink is half open.\n\n[[Fly through the half-open window|Fly Window]]\n<<endif>>\n

<<if $sneak eq "yes">> "And why did you try to sneak off home instead of coming here for this nice chat. You got my email, right? I'm really not good with technology. Y'know, never mind. I'm bored. It's time for the practical. I want you to take a good, long look at yourself and tell me what you see."<<else>> "Okay, I'm bored. It's time for the practical. I want you to take a good, long look at yourself and tell me what you see."<<endif>>\n\n[[Say, "Do you have a mirror?"|Quality Time]]\n[[Say, "I looked at myself this morning, thanks."|Quality Time]]\n[[Say, "I should probably get going."|Quality Time]]\n

You offer candy from a stranger to the pinstriped executive.\n\nHe eats it, smugly. \n\n"Curious taste," he says. "What is that? Cinnamon?... sinnerrr... mmmmnnnn...." Then he collapses on the floor.\n\nYou check his body. It is still breathing.\n\nThe elevator reaches the 7th floor.\n\n[[Exit the elevator|Exit Elevator]]\n

You are broke.\n\n[[Sit down in your cubicle|Your Office]]\n

You push the button for the 7th floor.\n\nAs the doors begin to close you notice Carol from Accounting walking through the lobby.\n\n[[Hold the elevator for Carol|Hold Doors]]\n[[Pretend to hold the elevator for Carol|Pretend Hold Doors]]\n

<div class="shakeMed">The vibrating gets even stronger.\n\n"It's an earthquake," says Henry, "Just a small one. No one will get hurt." A ceiling tile breaks off and hits you in the head. "The beetles and mice are long gone."\n\n[[Say, "That's nice."|Earthquake 2]]\n[[Say, "Make it stop!"|Earthquake 2]]\n[[Say, "Did you make this earthquake?"|Earthquake 2]]</div>\n

@keyframes shakeitMed {\n0% { transform: translate(1px, 0px) rotate(0deg); }\n10% { transform: translate(0px, 1px) rotate(0deg); }\n20% { transform: translate(1px, 0px) rotate(0deg); }\n30% { transform: translate(0px, 1px) rotate(0deg); }\n40% { transform: translate(1px, 0px) rotate(0deg); }\n50% { transform: translate(0px, 1px) rotate(0deg); }\n60% { transform: translate(1px, 0px) rotate(0deg); }\n70% { transform: translate(0px, 1px) rotate(0deg); }\n80% { transform: translate(1px, 0px) rotate(0deg); }\n90% { transform: translate(0px, 1px) rotate(0deg); }\n100% { transform: translate(1px, 0px) rotate(0deg); }\n}\n \n@-o-keyframes shakeitMed {\n0% { -o-transform: translate(1px, 0px) rotate(0deg); }\n10% { -o-transform: translate(0px, 1px) rotate(0deg); }\n20% { -o-transform: translate(1px, 1px) rotate(0deg); }\n30% { -o-transform: translate(0px, 1px) rotate(0deg); }\n40% { -o-transform: translate(1px, 0px) rotate(0deg); }\n50% { -o-transform: translate(0px, 1px) rotate(0deg); }\n60% { -o-transform: translate(1px, 0px) rotate(0deg); }\n70% { -o-transform: translate(0px, 1px) rotate(0deg); }\n80% { -o-transform: translate(1px, 1px) rotate(0deg); }\n90% { -o-transform: translate(0px, 1px) rotate(0deg); }\n100% { -o-transform: translate(1px, 0px) rotate(0deg); }\n}\n \n@-webkit-keyframes shakeitMed {\n0% { -webkit-transform: translate(1px, 0px) rotate(0deg); }\n10% { -webkit-transform: translate(0px, 1px) rotate(0deg); }\n20% { -webkit-transform: translate(1px, 1px) rotate(0deg); }\n30% { -webkit-transform: translate(0px, 1px) rotate(0deg); }\n40% { -webkit-transform: translate(1px, 0px) rotate(0deg); }\n50% { -webkit-transform: translate(0px, 1px) rotate(0deg); }\n60% { -webkit-transform: translate(1px, 0px) rotate(0deg); }\n70% { -webkit-transform: translate(0px, 1px) rotate(0deg); }\n80% { -webkit-transform: translate(1px, 1px) rotate(0deg); }\n90% { -webkit-transform: translate(0px, 1px) rotate(0deg); }\n100% { -webkit-transform: translate(1px, 0px) rotate(0deg); }\n}\n \n@-moz-keyframes shakeitMed {\n0% { -moz-transform: translate(1px, 0px) rotate(0deg); }\n10% { -moz-transform: translate(0px, 1px) rotate(0deg); }\n20% { -moz-transform: translate(1px, 1px) rotate(0deg); }\n30% { -moz-transform: translate(0px, 1px) rotate(0deg); }\n40% { -moz-transform: translate(1px, 0px) rotate(0deg); }\n50% { -moz-transform: translate(0px, 1px) rotate(0deg); }\n60% { -moz-transform: translate(1px, 0px) rotate(0deg); }\n70% { -moz-transform: translate(0px, 1px) rotate(0deg); }\n80% { -moz-transform: translate(1px, 1px) rotate(0deg); }\n90% { -moz-transform: translate(0px, 1px) rotate(0deg); }\n100% { -moz-transform: translate(1px, 0px) rotate(0deg); }\n}\n \n.shakeMed {\n-webkit-animation-name: shakeitMed;\n-webkit-animation-duration: 0.8s;\n-webkit-transform-origin:50% 50%;\n-webkit-animation-iteration-count: infinite;\n-webkit-animation-timing-function: linear;\n-moz-animation-name: shakeitMed;\n-moz-animation-duration: 0.8s;\n-moz-transform-origin:50% 50%;\n-moz-animation-iteration-count: infinite;\n-moz-animation-timing-function: linear;\n-o-animation-name: shakeitMed;\n-o-animation-duration: 0.8s;\n-o-transform-origin:50% 50%;\n-o-animation-iteration-count: infinite;\n-o-animation-timing-function: linear;\nanimation-name: shakeitMed;\nanimation-duration: 0.8s;\ntransform-origin:50% 50%;\nanimation-iteration-count: infinite;\nanimation-timing-function: linear;\n}\n\n/*.shakeMed {\n\tdisplay: inline-block;\n} */

<<if $clothed eq "no">> You are walking naked along the High Street amidst a crowd of strangers. You realize this must be a dream. \n\n[[Wake up|Startagain]]\n<<else>>You are walking along the High Street amidst a crowd of strangers. There is a nice old lady walking next to you. <<if $dress eq "yes">> She smiles at you and says, "I like your dress. Very pretty."<<endif>><<if $suit eq "yes">> She smiles at you and says, "I like your suit. Very smart."<<endif>><<if $jeans eq "yes">> She smiles at you and says, "I like your shirt. Very trendy."<<endif>>\n\n[[Say thank you|Thank Nice Lady]]\n[[Say nothing|Nothing Nice Lady]]\n<<endif>>

You exit the elevator and walk down the hall.\n\nYou are standing outside your cubicle. There is a vending machine nearby full of delicious snacks and treats.\n\n[[Sit down in your cubicle|Your Office]]\n[[Put money in the vending machine|Vending Machine First]]

"Have you tried this dog poo?" you ask the beetle.\n\nThe beetle looks you up and down. "I don't eat poo," she says, "I eat flies." \n\n[[Eat some poo|Eat Poo 3]]\n[[Fly away|Fly On]]\n

The acid in your vomit disolves the cereal.\n\nNow it is nice and soft.\n\n[[Eat vomited-on cereal grain|Eat Vomit Grain]]\n[[Fly through the half open window|Fly Window]]\n

You put the stranger's candy in your pocket.<<set $candy = "yes">>\n<<display 'Work Stop'>>

You listen to the radio. \n\nIt's the news - two wars and something about the decline of insect populations. \n\nYou finish your breakfast and look at the clock. There is a big fly sitting on it. It is 9am. You are late for work. Your bus will arrive at the bus stop in <<print $bus>> minutes.\n\n[[Go to the front door|Front Door]]\n[[Do the dishes|Dishes]]\n

You eat the vomited-on crumb of toast.\n\nYour stomach stops grumbling.\n<<set $vomit = "yes">>\n[[Fly through the half open window|Fly Window]]\n

You get on the bus. It smells of farts. \n\n[[Get off the bus|Get Off Bus]]\n[[Sit down|Sit On Bus]]

Seriously? You want to go home and end it all?\n\n[[No, I'll walk to work|Walk To Work]]\n[[Yes|End It All 2]]\n

You go home and end it all.\n\nThe End.\n\n[[Try Again|Startagain]]\n

Seriously? One missed bus and you want to go home and end it all?\n\n[[No. I'll walk|Walk To Work]]\n[[Yes|End It All 2]]\n

You hold the elevator doors for Carol from Accounting. \n\nThe executive sighs audibly.\n\n[[Continue holding the elevator doors|Continue Holding Doors]]\n[[Stop holding the elevator doors|Stop Holding Doors]]\n

<div class="shake">You look down the hole.\n\nIt's dark.\n\nThe room continues to collapse around you.\n\n[[Jump down the hole|Hole]]\n[[Don't jump down the hole|No Jump]]\n[[Leave|Stuck]]</div>\n

<<if $money eq "yes">>"Can you lend me $10?" says the thin man, "Just kidding."<<else>>"That's a strange thing to lie about," says the thin man. <<endif>> <<display "How Late">>

You are eating fruit for breakfast.\n<<set $fruit = "yes">>\n<<display "Radio">>

@keyframes shakeit {\n0% { transform: translate(0px, 1px) rotate(1deg); }\n10% { transform: translate(1px, 0px) rotate(0deg); }\n20% { transform: translate(0px, 1px) rotate(1deg); }\n30% { transform: translate(1px, 0px) rotate(0deg); }\n40% { transform: translate(0px, 1px) rotate(0deg); }\n50% { transform: translate(1px, 0px) rotate(1deg); }\n60% { transform: translate(0px, 1px) rotate(0deg); }\n70% { transform: translate(1px, 1px) rotate(0deg); }\n80% { transform: translate(1px, 0px) rotate(1deg); }\n90% { transform: translate(0px, 1px) rotate(1deg); }\n100% { transform: translate(1px, 0px) rotate(0deg); }\n}\n \n@-o-keyframes shakeit {\n0% { -o-transform: translate(0px, 1px) rotate(0deg); }\n10% { -o-transform: translate(1px, 0px) rotate(0deg); }\n20% { -o-transform: translate(0px, 1px) rotate(1deg); }\n30% { -o-transform: translate(1px, 0px) rotate(1deg); }\n40% { -o-transform: translate(0px, 1px) rotate(0deg); }\n50% { -o-transform: translate(1px, 0px) rotate(0deg); }\n60% { -o-transform: translate(1px, 1px) rotate(1deg); }\n70% { -o-transform: translate(0px, 1px) rotate(0deg); }\n80% { -o-transform: translate(1px, 0px) rotate(0deg); }\n90% { -o-transform: translate(0px, 1px) rotate(0deg); }\n100% { -o-transform: translate(1px, 0px) rotate(1deg); }\n}\n \n@-webkit-keyframes shakeit {\n0% { -webkit-transform: translate(0px, 1px) rotate(0deg); }\n10% { -webkit-transform: translate(1px, 0px) rotate(1deg); }\n20% { -webkit-transform: translate(0px, 1px) rotate(1deg); }\n30% { -webkit-transform: translate(1px, 1px) rotate(0deg); }\n40% { -webkit-transform: translate(1px, 0px) rotate(0deg); }\n50% { -webkit-transform: translate(0px, 1px) rotate(1deg); }\n60% { -webkit-transform: translate(1px, 0px) rotate(0deg); }\n70% { -webkit-transform: translate(0px, 1px) rotate(0deg); }\n80% { -webkit-transform: translate(1px, 0px) rotate(0deg); }\n90% { -webkit-transform: translate(1px, 0px) rotate(1deg); }\n100% { -webkit-transform: translate(0px, 1px) rotate(1deg); }\n}\n \n@-moz-keyframes shakeit {\n0% { -moz-transform: translate(0px, 1px) rotate(0deg); }\n10% { -moz-transform: translate(1px, 0px) rotate(0deg); }\n20% { -moz-transform: translate(0px, 1px) rotate(1deg); }\n30% { -moz-transform: translate(0px, 0px) rotate(0deg); }\n40% { -moz-transform: translate(1px, 0px) rotate(0deg); }\n50% { -moz-transform: translate(0px, 1px) rotate(1deg); }\n60% { -moz-transform: translate(1px, 0px) rotate(1deg); }\n70% { -moz-transform: translate(0px, 1px) rotate(0deg); }\n80% { -moz-transform: translate(1px, 1px) rotate(1deg); }\n90% { -moz-transform: translate(1px, 0px) rotate(1deg); }\n100% { -moz-transform: translate(0px, 0px) rotate(0deg); }\n}\n \n.shake {\n-webkit-animation-name: shakeit;\n-webkit-animation-duration: 0.8s;\n-webkit-transform-origin:50% 50%;\n-webkit-animation-iteration-count: infinite;\n-webkit-animation-timing-function: linear;\n-moz-animation-name: shakeit;\n-moz-animation-duration: 0.8s;\n-moz-transform-origin:50% 50%;\n-moz-animation-iteration-count: infinite;\n-moz-animation-timing-function: linear;\n-o-animation-name: shakeit;\n-o-animation-duration: 0.8s;\n-o-transform-origin:50% 50%;\n-o-animation-iteration-count: infinite;\n-o-animation-timing-function: linear;\nanimation-name: shakeit;\nanimation-duration: 0.8s;\ntransform-origin:50% 50%;\nanimation-iteration-count: infinite;\nanimation-timing-function: linear;\n}\n\n/* .shake {\n\tdisplay: inline-block;\n} */\n

"What hole?" you ask.\n\nHenry looks at the ground, and then at his watch. "There should be a hole."\n\n[[Say, "Why is this room vibrating?"|Earthquake]]\n[[Say, "I'm leaving now, goodbye."|Goodbye]]\n

<div class="shake">"Late for what?" you shout.\n\nThere is silence, and the sound of an earthquake.\n\n[[Look in the hole|Dark]]\n[[Jump down the hole|Hole]]\n[[Leave|Stuck]]</div>\n

You leave the house and scurry towards the high street.\n<<set $bus = $bus-1>>\n<<if $clothed eq "yes">>A chilly September wind whistles along after you. You are glad you wore clothes.\n\n<<if $bus lte 0>>You have missed your bus.<<else>>Your bus will arrive at the bus stop in <<print $bus>> minutes.<<endif>>\n\n[[Scurry on|Short Man]]\n<<else>>A chilly September wind whistles around your genitals. You are beginning to wish you had put clothes on.\n<<set $nudist = "yes">>\n<<if $bus lte 0>>You have missed your bus.<<else>>Your bus will arrive at the bus stop in <<print $bus>> minutes.<<endif>>\n\n[[Scurry on|Short Man]]\n[[Go back home|Front Door]]\n<<endif>>

You walk into the lobby. \n\nYour office is on the 7th floor. To your right is the HR Department. Ahead of you are the elevators, and standing in front of them, a rich and powerful pinstriped executive reading something on his phone.\n\n[[Stand beside the executive|Silence]]\n[[Say, "Good morning," to the executive|Good Morning]]\n[[Do some stretches|Stretches]]\n[[Go into the HR Department|HR Door]]\n

You say, "Fruit."\n\n<<if $fruit eq "yes">>"Fruit, very good," says the thin man. "Keeps you regular. Now, can you tell me who you share an office with?"\n\n[[Say, "I've forgotten."|Okay]]\n[[Say "A rubber plant."|Okay]]\n[[Say, "John... something?"|Okay]]<<else>><<display "Breakfast Lie">><<endif>>

You don't get on the bus. You are late for work. It looks like it's going to rain.\n\n[[Walk to work|Walk To Work]]\n[[Go home and end it all|End It All Alt]]\n

"What is coming?" you ask the beetle.\n\n"I don't know," says the beetle, "I'm just a beetle. But something is coming. Can't you feel it? Run away!"\n\nShe runs away.\n\n[[Fly on|Fly On]]\n

"Have you ever stolen money from a colleague who you previously poisoned and left for dead on the floor of an elevator?"\n\n[[Say, "Yes."|Stolen Yes]]\n[[Say, "No."|Stolen No]]\n[[Say, "Maybe."|Stolen Maybe]]\n

You try to open the door to HR, but it is locked.\n\n[[Stand beside the executive|Silence]]\n[[Say, "Good morning," to the executive|Good Morning]]\n[[Do some stretches|Stretches]]\n[[Open the door to HR|HR Door]]\n

You read the email from your best friend:\n\nSubject: hey\n\ncan you smell the inside of your nose? is that normal?\n<<display "Office Actions">>

You hover in front of the mirror and look at yourself.\n\nYou are a big, hairy housefly.\n\n[[Open the front door|Fly Door]]\n[[Fly back into the kitchen|Fly Kitchen]]\n

try {\n version.extensions['screenShakeMedMacro'] = {\n major: 1,\n minor: 0,\n revision: 0,\n };\n macros['screenShakeMed'] = {\n handler: function (place, macroName, params, parser) {\n var time = parseInt(params[0]);\n if (typeof time !== 'number') {\n time = 1000;\n\t }\n \n var el = document.body;\n baz = el;\n console.log(baz[0]);\n document.body.className = 'shakeMed';\n if (time > 0){\n setTimeout(function(){document.body.className='';},time);\n\t };\n \n // we're overriding the fade function. It behaves as usual except it runs screenShake() if time >= 0.\n fade = function (el, options) {\n var current;\n var proxy = el.cloneNode(true);\n var direction = (options.fade == 'in') ? 1 : -1;\n\n el.parentNode.replaceChild(proxy, el);\n\n if (options.fade == 'in') {\n current = 0;\n proxy.style.visibility = 'visible';\n\t } else current = 1;\n\n setOpacity(proxy, current);\n var interval = window.setInterval(tick, 25);\n\n function tick() {\n current += 0.05 * direction;\n\n setOpacity(proxy, Math.easeInOut(current));\n\n if (((direction == 1) && (current >= 1)) || ((direction == -1) && (current <= 0))) {\n console.log('swapping fader proxy out');\n el.style.visibility = (options.fade == 'in') ? 'visible' : 'hidden';\n proxy.parentNode.replaceChild(el, proxy);\n delete proxy;\n window.clearInterval(interval);\n\n if (options.onComplete) options.onComplete();\n\n if (time >= 0) {\n time = -1;\n }\n\n }\n };\n\n function setOpacity(el, opacity) {\n var percent = Math.floor(opacity * 100);\n\n // IE\n el.style.zoom = 1;\n el.style.filter = 'alpha(opacity=' + percent + ')';\n\n // CSS 3\n el.style.opacity = opacity;\n };\n };\n },\n init: function () {},\n };\n} catch (e) {\n throwError(place, "screenShakeMED Setup Error: " + e.message);\n }

// the screenShake macro. Created by dariusk. Edited by 20hz20khz for Twine 1.4.1. Adapted from Emmanuel Turner's article on creating Twine macros. http://eturnerx.blogspot.com/2012/12/how-to-create-custom-macros-in-twine.html\ntry {\n version.extensions['screenShakeMacro'] = {\n major: 1,\n minor: 0,\n revision: 0\n };\n macros['screenShake'] = {\n handler: function (place, macroName, params, parser) {\n var time = parseInt(params[0]);\n if (typeof time !== 'number') {\n time = 1000;\n }\n \n var el = document.body;\n baz = el;\n console.log(baz[0]);\n document.body.className = 'shake';\n if (time > 0){\n setTimeout(function(){document.body.className='';},time);\n };\n \n // we're overriding the fade function. It behaves as usual except it runs screenShake() if time >= 0.\n fade = function (el, options) {\n var current;\n var proxy = el.cloneNode(true);\n var direction = (options.fade == 'in') ? 1 : -1;\n\n el.parentNode.replaceChild(proxy, el);\n\n if (options.fade == 'in') {\n current = 0;\n proxy.style.visibility = 'visible';\n } else current = 1;\n\n setOpacity(proxy, current);\n var interval = window.setInterval(tick, 25);\n\n function tick() {\n current += 0.05 * direction;\n\n setOpacity(proxy, Math.easeInOut(current));\n\n if (((direction == 1) && (current >= 1)) || ((direction == -1) && (current <= 0))) {\n console.log('swapping fader proxy out');\n el.style.visibility = (options.fade == 'in') ? 'visible' : 'hidden';\n proxy.parentNode.replaceChild(el, proxy);\n delete proxy;\n window.clearInterval(interval);\n\n if (options.onComplete) options.onComplete();\n\n if (time >= 0) {\n time = -1;\n }\n\n }\n };\n\n function setOpacity(el, opacity) {\n var percent = Math.floor(opacity * 100);\n\n // IE\n el.style.zoom = 1;\n el.style.filter = 'alpha(opacity=' + percent + ')';\n\n // CSS 3\n el.style.opacity = opacity;\n };\n };\n },\n init: function () {},\n };\n} catch (e) {\n throwError(place, "screenShake Setup Error: " + e.message);\n}

You really want to eat candy from a stranger?\n\n[[Eat it now|Candy Lady Now 2]]\n[[Save it for later|Candy Lady Later]]\n

You say, "Cereal."\n\n<<if $cereal eq "yes">>"Very good," says the thin man, "One of the chocolatey ones was it? Now, can you tell me who you share an office with?"\n\n[[Say, "I've forgotten."|Okay]]\n[[Say "A rubber plant."|Okay]]\n[[Say, "John... something?"|Okay]]\n<<else>><<display "Breakfast Lie">><<endif>>

You eat the candy given to you by a stranger. It tastes of cinnamon and something else. The world disolves, and you wake up in hospital. A week has passed. The doctors continue treating you for poisoning until you run out of money. You have lost your job and been evicted. You live on the streets for a few months, and then die of pnumonia. \n\nThe End\n\n[[Try again|Startagain]]

You do some work. \n\nYou feel vaguely fulfilled for three or four minutes, then come the familiar sensations of boredom and self-doubt. Is this really what you want to be doing? You don't even understand half of it. Sooner or later someone is going to realize that you're a fraud. You work harder but it makes no difference. Something squats in you; its hunkers are heavy as hard luck. You feel dizzy. You're sweating like a pig.<<set $fivepm = "yes">>\n<<display "Office Actions">>

You are standing in the HR Department. How long have you worked at the company and never been in here? A thin, middle aged man is lounging in an armchair. His eyes are closed, and he seems to be vibrating. In fact, the whole room seems to be vibrating.\n\n[[Say, "Hello?"|Wizard Wake]]\n[[Say, "Why is this room vibrating?"|Wizard Wake]]\n[[Say, "Wake up!"|Wizard Wake]]

<<if $surf eq "yes">>"Liar," says the thin man.\n<<else>>"Good for you." says the thin man.<<endif>>\n\n<<display "Sneak Out">>

"It's coming!" says the beetle.\n\n[[Say, "Is it?"|Beetle Yes]]\n[[Say, "No it isn't?"|Beetle Yes]]\n[[Say, "What's coming?"|Beetle Dunno]]\n

You eat the vomited-on dog poo.\n\nThe beetle's enormous mandibles are closing around your head.\n<<set $vomit = "yes">>\n[[Fly away|Fly On]]\n

You stand in the street and consider not going in to work. You are already late. Why not take the rest of the day off? You think about walking around in the park. The lake, the sunshine, the grass to lie on.\n\nYou are tempted, but it is raining.\n\n[[Go in to work|Lobby]]\n

You fly through the open half of the window.\n\nSomehow the open half of the window becomes the closed half of the window, and you bounce back into the kitchen. You try again and the same thing happens.\n\nThis goes on for 6 hours.\n\nFinally you think to fly at the closed half of the window, and you are free.\n\n[[Fly up the High Street|Fly High Street]]

You dash to the bedroom, squeeze into your jeans and shirt, and hurry back to the front door.\n<<set $jeans = "yes">>\n<<display "Front Door Actions">>

<<if $money eq "yes">>"Maybe as in yes?"says the thin man.<<else>>"You're not sure?" says the thin man. <<endif>> <<display "How Late">>\n

"Are you saying something?" says the thin man. "Because all I can hear is buzzing." He watches you for a few more seconds, then says, "Oh whatever," and wiggles his fingers. \n\nYou feel a tingling sensation, and you pass out.\n\n[[Wake Up|Wake Up HR]]\n

The radio is on.\n\n[[Turn off the radio|Radio Off]]\n[[Listen to the radio|Radio Listen]]

You are standing by the front door.\n\n<<display "Front Door Actions">> \n

<<if $poovomit eq "no">>You chew on the dog poo, but it is too tough for your delicate little fly mouth. You'll have to soften it up somehow. \n\nThe beetle is watching you with interest.\n\n[[Vomit on the dog poo|Vomit Poo 2]]\n[[Fly away|Fly On]]\n<<else>>\n<<display "Eat Vomit Poo 2">>\n<<endif>>\n